Self Sabotage or Stockholm Syndrome? Submitting that PhD

man in white shirt using macbook pro

Okay, so I have been refining my social media for most of yesterday and this morning into the wee hours – it’s precisely 5.48am as I type this. You would be forgiven for thinking I might be some sort of digitally savvy type but no, as true to the social media myth, all is not what it seems.

In two weeks time, I will be handing in nearly a decade’s worth of work in the shape of a PhD thesis. Yet here I am, writing this post, when I should be formatting my tables and editing my chapters … I have been asking myself why I am not, and the only possibility that I can think of is self-sabotage.

  • Maybe that last bit of internal feedback broke me more than I realised?
  • Or maybe I have a version of Stockholm Syndrome for PhDs? (Hey they should name that!)
  • Maybe deep down I am terrified that something that took my focus for so long won’t be in my life anymore …
  • As I write this, the anxiety kicks in again. Can I really do this? Can I really say a big “f*** you!” to all the people that thought and even said that I couldn’t?

Today is another day and I have to give myself the kindness of trying again. So … resetting … now …

(More to come on my rather unusual and emotional PhD journey)

Advertisement